Ten Ways to Connect to Your Sacred Sexuality While Single

With Beltane right around the corner, we Pagans, Wiccans, witches, Goddess worshipers, and spiritual badasses find ourself at the sexiest part of the Pagan calendar.  The birds and the bees are out in full force, and the God and Goddess will consummate their love on one of Wicca’s most sacred days.  For practitioners and spiritual badasses, Beltane is an opportunity to reflect on the intersection between our spiritual and sexual lives otherwise known as sacred sexuality.

Sacred sexuality encompasses a wide variety of orientations and modalities and has two key themes: a deep emphasis on consent between adults and the recognition of the divine in all parties involved.  When you are single, engaging in sacred sexuality is an invitation to explore your connection to your spirit as well as to develop self confidence and self love.  In the Beltane spirit, I’ve compiled ten ideas for connecting to your sacred sexuality for you to adapt and explore to your heart’s content.

One note before we get into this list, I’ve done my best to keep this list as gender and sexual orientation neutral as possible.  But I am a straight cis woman who sometimes is not aware of her biases.  Feel free to adapt any of this advice for your own preferences and identities.

• Do Something Nice for Yourself: Buy your favorite flowers, take a day off from work, get your nails done.  By doing something nice for yourself, you show yourself that you care about yourself and acknowledge your needs.
• Create a Mastrubation Ritual: So often, we just rub one out and call it a day.  However, the most important person in your sex life is you.  So seduce yourself like you would seduce a partner.  Lights some candles, break out the good massage oil, put on some good music or your favorite porn of choice, and take your time.  You could even invoke sacred space if that feels right for you.
• Move Your Body:  Salsa dancing, yoga, HIIT, Orange Theory, rock climbing.  By developing mastery of your body, you’ll not only improve your overall health but also be way more confident.
• Get Yourself Checked Out: A healthy sex life starts with a healthy body.  Regular STI testing (even if you are single; some infections take a while to develop), gynecological and prostate exams, and fertility testing are all regular routines to maintain your sexual health.  It’s also a great idea to figure out your birth control plan while you are singe so you don’t have to think about it once you find a willing sexual partner.  Additionally if you have sexual trauma in your past, I strongly encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional to discuss a treatment plan to heal any emotional, mental, or spiritual wounds.
• Learn How to Manage Your Energy:  By mastering your energy patterns overall, you will be able to more easily connect to your sexual energy.  One easy way to manage your energy is to keep your blood sugar stable by eating well balanced meals.  Another is to practice your visualization exercises.  Learning about reiki and other energy modalities are also appropriate for intermediate and advanced practitioners.
• Decorate Your Bedroom: Create your ultimate love den.  I strongly recommend invoking all of your senses: soft sheets, scented candles, beautiful art, etc.
• Flirt Unapologetically: Flirting is an art.  It is fun and sexy and such a great way to connect to your self confidence.  If you feel like flirting is not a skill that comes naturally to you, this YouTube video is a great tutorial.
• Invest in Good Underwear:  It is your own sexy little secret.  It doesn’t matter if you are into boxers or briefs, push up bras or sports bras, find intimates that makes you feel fantastic.
• Improve Your Financial Life:  Fun fact, sexuality and financial matters are both ruled by the second chakra.  By cleaning up your finances, the positive vibes will naturally ripple into your sex life.  Even something simple like automating savings or reviewing your checking account every day will demonstrate to yourself that you are capable of taking care of your needs and therefore are a badass.
• Learn to Love Yourself:  While self love is one of the keys to a good life in general, in terms of your sex life knowing who you are and what you like serves several functions.  On a basic level, knowing what you want from a sex life and who you want to have sex with is key to a happy sex life.  Additionally, having a sense of self respect helps to develop healthy boundaries around what you will tolerate in a partner and what is unacceptable.  All of this inner work needs to happen on your own, not through the crucible of a relationship.  So when you find yourself single, it is the perfect time to do this inner work on your own or with a counselor or therapist to answer these questions through self reflection and acceptance.

© Ariadne Woods